Monday, November 23, 2009

What I've Learned...

There will be a series of posts with little nuggets of wisdom from many of the amazing women in my life: mothers, friends, cousins, classmates, etc.

Please feel free to contribute if you have something you'd like to share! It can be funny, touching, inspiring, anything! I am loving everything I've gotten so far!

What I've Learned:

"A man always softens when he has a daughter." M.D.

"Your eyebrows look the best when you're not seeing anybody." P.M.

"Break ups are never easy the second, third, or fourth time around." S.P.

"There will come a point in your life when you realize that you can be very different and similar from your parents at the same time." D.D.

"Hair removal takes over my life." S.M.

"Sometimes you only want someone because they don't really want you." J.P.

"As you grow older, the drama in your life subsides, leaving room for only relationships that bring peace and comfort to you. You might even see that you mistook drama for something more than it really was. " C.K.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Go On a Date With Yourself...Preferably on 5th Avenue

After a lunch meeting, I allowed myself to be swallowed by the streets of New York. Specifically, by Fifth Avenue. For some reason, I found it charming to feel insignificant, to bleed in with the city, absorb its pulse. (The only thing that made me stand out was my hair, which was unfortunately sprayed with about 734274 layers of humidity and probably poked a few eyes out.)

For once, I wandered aimlessly, just to see where I would end up and unsurprisingly,my 5'2 frame came face to face with the powerful yet inviting lions of The New York Public Library. Can I just say, I'd be elated living there...forever, even if I am confined to some dusty, forgotten corner. For some reason, I was submerged in a wave of nostalgia for Oxford. I had no idea I could feel such a longing for a place; always assumed those pangs were confined to people. Anyway, it's very possible that libraries and I are in a life long honeymoon period. Hopefully I find someone like the Beast who happens to just have a spare, monumental one around in his Gothic mansion. A talking candlestick and clock would be a nice throw in, too. And who doesn't love that adorable teacup?!

If there's any piece of advice I could offer, it would be to take yourself out on a date, preferably in a foreign place. Loneliness can be so scary and paralyzing. Learning how to be comfortably alone, whethere it's living alone, eating alone, shopping alone, etc. is one of the most uplifting things I believe anyone can do for themselves.

Random notes:
*I've always been a die hard accessories girl: handbags, jewelry, shoes (in order of importance). This is great for me right now since big necklaces, known as "statement necklaces" are in. They're definitely helping me spice up my plain black tees and dresses!
*Learned how to play a little bit of "Waiting on the World to Change" (J.Mayer) on the guitar!
*First photography class this Saturday!!
*The little messages inside Dove chocolates make my day
*Pumpkin cheesecake, Pumpkin Spice Latte, and Pumpkin scented candles are amazing!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Soul Soothing With a Best Friend

Quote by Maya Angelou:

"Every woman should know where to go

Be it her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods,

When her soul needs some soothing."

On Sunday, I pulled an all nighter with my best friend of 15 years. Yeah, we're pretty much married by now and have been through it all. We talked on the phone every day through elementary, middle, and high school, lived together for four years of college, and are now moving to NYC at the same time. We are as different as we are similar, sort of like those Venn Diagrams my teachers drew on chalkboards, with a generous overlap between the two circles.

I could spend hours analyzing the gossamer threads of our bond, but I like to believe that it comes down to one simple fact: we enjoy talking to each other. It is a uniquely open friendship where our words do not have to be measured before they are poured out. We tell each other things that other people would probably never say, things like "your haircut kind of sucks", "it's time to get your eyebrows threaded", "what were you thinking when you liked him," etc.

As I slouched on her bed and she hung up her freshly dry cleaned clothes, we got onto the topic of life landmarks: college, job/grad school, marriage, children, etc. Our next landmark is marriage and if it is not done by the socially acceptable age of, say, 27, then people start to think something is wrong.

I asked her why she thought our society defined success as accomplishing these life landmarks.

"Well, it's always been like that," she said in her didatic tone, the same one I first heard when we were in sixth grade and she taught me how to shave my legs.
"What do you mean?" I asked.

"We're always looking to what's next, striving for the next step. Even in school, it was the next exam, next semester, next year. This isn't really that different. Our eyes are always pointed forward. It's a flaw in our race."
As with many of our conversations, I felt like I needed to jot down these little notes on a pink Post It and save them for later, incorporate them into my own life. Perhaps I do need to stop always looking to the future and just be. After all, I have learned the hard way that you can map out a plan of your life all you want, but that doesn't mean it will be followed.

On a lighter note, all my shows are going to the shithole. Or maybe they always were and I chose to just ignore that?
Gossip Girl: What is up with that threesome? And this whole Queen Jenny thing is getting dumber by the episode.

Grey's Anatomy: The acting is becoming as stale as the trite plotlines. I don't like any of the Mercy West people.

The Hills: Audrina is an idiot. And why is anyone attracted to Justin Bobby?!

The only ones I'm content with are Private Practice and The City.

A New Week!

I've decided that I prefer to start my weeks on Tuesdays. Yup, Tuesdays sound better, much less depressing and agonizing than Mondays.

Plus, I've got something to look forward to on Tuesdays: guitar lessons! I've been supposedly learning chords, but the main thing I've really learned is that my fingers are SO weak. I'm always made fun of for having tiny, dainty hands, but MAN, what a hindrance! I cut off my nails and now have the telltale indentations of strumming on my fingertips.

Anyway, this year is about accomplishing the things I always wanted to do but could never get around to (that's where the guitar lessons came from). It's all a part of my bigger goal to not have a life of regrets. I am aware that these years (my twenties) are the final ones that are truly my own.

Once I move to New York, I'm hoping to:

*Start Hindustani voice lessons (I am trained in Carnatic, so I think Hindustani would be the ideal blend of a complement and challenge)
*Photography classes (Before I invest in a sleek camera, I really want to know exactly how to use practicing on my dad's right now)
*Attend at least one 10 day silent meditation camp
*Finish the second novel
*Write five songs (am halfway through the first one)
*Spend time with my older guy cousins (I love having two younger siblings, but I've always had some weird void for a big brother...someone to be irrationally overprotective of me, play catch with me, and judge the guys I like)

One of my role models, Dr. Majmudar, wisely once said, "A trait may be in the chromosomes, but that does not mean it will flourish." Of course, we have learned in biology class that genes have to be expressed in order to affect the individual, but Dr. Majmudar was referring to talents, passions, and interests. If I keep desiring to leave a unique mark on the world, I need to go forward and do it, not just hope that my innate capabilities will emerge and get it done someday.

Parental Quote of the Day: "Girls from good households do not talk to boys on the phone past 10 p.m."

Melodramatic Dilemma of the Day: My gmail perfect usage is increasing everyday! I'm already using 60% of my 7389 MB without even putting all of my writing in there.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I Love...

I Love........

Songs that take you back to the year they were popular:
*N'Sync's "This I Promise You" (middle school dances; specifically, wearing oversized glasses and having to explain the concept of slow dancing to my parents, then being rejected by my crush anyway)

*"The Thong Song" (another end of middle school hit)

*"I Need a Girl" (Part 1&2---those dramatic high school summers....sigh)

*Mariah Carey's "Hero" (one of the first songs I sang in public; at my best friend's Sweet Sixteen)
*"Livin La Vida Loca" (Yeahhhhhhhhhh Ricky Martin)

Starbucks Gingerbread Latte

My pink Burberry earmuffs (one of the BEST presents EVER)! <3

Sex and the City episodes (NEVER fail to put me in a good mood; especially the one where Samantha babysits Brady, the one where Charlotte meets Trey, the finale, the one where Carrie and Aiden get into a fight...okay, maybe all of them do the job)
Black tights paired with black heels: They do such a great job in elongating legs! One small (insert pun joke here) victory for all us petite girls out there!

Chelsea Handler.
I always laugh during Chelsea Lately; her book, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is next on my reading list.

Is it Worth the Weight?

Being healthy, really healthy, is more difficult that I realized. I have been trying to eat well and exercise on a daily basis. My effort is tangibly paying off, but at the same time, those cravings are quite intense!

The problem with staying up late is eating as you stay up late. This can become very hard to avoid as hunger pangs start attacking you. Of course, I crave all the bad stuff: chocolate, ice cream, cheesecake....the works.

I've become borderline addicted to P90x, a set of exercise DVDs that are designed to work out every muscle in your body. I do the cardio one on "off" days, so I'm not sure if I'll be "fit in 90 days" like the good ol' infomercial says. The Windsor Pilates DVD is also very effective!

During the summer, I worked out at the gym and ran outside. But let's face it. I'm completely gross when I exercise. No cute gym clothes/neon sports bras/high cut track shorts/flattering headbands/make up. Just sweat and a ratty, faded t-shirt with oversized pants. I'm doing the world a favor by going the DVD route.

Also, after all of my research in magazines and through my own experimentation, I found certain foods that serve as great snacks and curb appetite:
*Almonds (our parents were on to something....)
*Celery (this bothers some people because it is a bit plain, but drizzled with balsamic vinegarette, it's actually quite tasty)
*Low fat string cheese
*Apples (the sliced ones in the grocery store are very convenient)
*Low fat Yoplait yogurts

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The "feel good" post

In a personal celebration of me reaching my first big writing deadline, I have decided to write a "feel good" post. This past week, I've realized how so many little things truly make my days.

Here are some:

Lindt truffles: Generally, I am more of a milk chocolate gal, but these white chocolate ones make the extra calories SO worth it. I have no one to blame but myself for my huge ass. Already, I feel truly sorry for whomever my husband is when I am pregnant. I think he'll have to buy a Coldstone Creamery and Baskin Robbins.

Browsing expensive handbags that I fantasize about owning someday. (Current love: The Hermes Birkin....quietly tortured by the fact that Heidi Montag owns several of them...which also raises the question of how she can afford them...and my ongoing curiosity as to what Spencer actually does for a living)

The hotness that is Penn Badgley: He is the perfect blend of dorky and sexy. I am still in denial of his fictitious relationship with "Olivia"/Hillary Duff. I understand he already has a real
girlfriend, but c'mon, couldn't I at least be his fake one?

Chubby babies in Halloween costumes: There is nothing cuter in this world than a rolly, polly baby dressed as a pumpkin. If I have a skinny baby, I may have to force feed him/her crushed Oreos or something.

Outfits in Hum Dil de Chuke Sanam: Still in love with the Chand Chupa dress! And every year at Garba, they still play Dhol Bhaje and I still manage to mess it up.

Roman Holiday: Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck...drool!

The Food Network: I LOVE Giada!!! Yes, even though she always showcases her cleavage. Guess if she's got it, she may as well flaunt it. Anyway, the Food Network helps me plan out ideas for future (at this rate, ten-twenty years future) dinner parties I plan to host.

P.S. Did you know that YouTube literally has everything? I have found so many tutorials on how to wave my hair, tease my hair, apply smoke eye make up, play the guitar, and belly dance!

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Writing is a sneaky predator; almost, I'd argue, a parisitic one. It crawls into every lobe of my brain, resting ravenously and threatening anything that wants to take its place.

And the best part: I frankly don't want anything in its rightful place (a.k.a. everywhere).

I've surrendered. I'm in love.

It was bound to happen. The affair was going on for over a fucking decade.

Yes, it initially started at the malleable age of ten, when my mother was working at the bank. My mother was asking a customer a question and the customer, in turn, snarled at her for not knowing English. I proceeded to tell the customer that there was a difference between not knowing English and having an accent. My humiliated mother hushed me at once, but I knew, after the customer apologized, that I was in love.

I'm making good (according to my standards, which are um, pretty low) progress on the novel. Most of the time, I agonize over each sentence in a dramatic-tortured-artist type of way.

But every (miraculous) now and then, I'll concoct a rough draft of a paragraph that I'm happy with, that I'm excited to sculpt further. One that gives my main character depth and makes her relateable.

At least, I hope that's where these will go once I'm done with them:

"Suddenly, I feel scared at the thought of growing up, as though time and my twenties are running out too quickly. Things---final things, life defining things, permanent things--- that I used to daydream about feel so much nearer now. Too near. I stop myself from being submerged in cold feet---not towards marriage particularly, but more towards life. "

"He fiddles with the iPod, making fingerprints on the polygonal black box as I can see him debate whether or not to give me a white lie: It’s not a big deal; I just misunderstood her; She wasn’t trying to be judgmental. I can see his pregnant thoughts before they are born into words; many times, I can witness their existence before he can. "

"Neither of us spoke for the next few seconds, which felt more like an hour. I focused on toning down my nervous smile, which was now making my cheeks hurt. The last thing I wanted was to seem too eager.
I was in a moment that I thought was confined to episodes of Dawsons’s Creek or some other high school drama. I never knew that a guy could take me to the highest of highs, without even trying very much."

Why Do People Come Into Our Lives?

I decided to take a break from my diary and blog. :)

One of the best things in this world is having a friend whom you can go without seeing or talking to for a long time, and then being able to pick up with her right where you left off. In other words, relationships that outlast the corrosion of distance and time are priceless.

I am truly blessed to have a multitude of friends who are housed in this category. On Friday night, I finally caught up with one of them: Dharmini.

As always, it was a therapeutic conversation; the kind where you talk for so long that it doesn't matter that your hand is hurting from gripping the phone.

Towards the end, we got to the topic of purpose, specifically, on the purpose that some people have in our lives. It's so crazy how someone can be your best friend, or more, for so long and then suddenly just...well, not be, as though your bond just dissolved, leaving you with unrecognizable fragments and these tiny, but palpable, voids.

How come some bonds withstand while others don't? I know many people think---and this is probably true---that convenience (i.e. a friend who is in your classes or lives nearby) breeds friendships simply because, things are easier to do when they do not have to be planned.
And then of course, there's the whole "some people don't belong in your future" banana; that the lessons they had to offer us are springboards to take us forward.
But is it really that simple, that some people are just not "meant to be" in our lives? Or that, perhaps, their purpose to us and ours to them was only a chapter, a stepping stone to get us to the next point?

Hm; don't know if I'll ever figure it out. I should stop thinking. Yeah, that sounds good.

On a side note, I took a picture of my fortune today:

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Parent Pleasers

Being a good girl can be so exhausting.

An Ode to the Parent Pleasers
(Inspired by a conversation with my buddy Chethan)

Usually, it is the eldest child
The one commonly thought of as docile and mild
It's not that we wish to be rebels without a cause
In fact, we often put our own wants on pause
Just to please the ones we care about most
So about us, they can consistently boast
Oh, the lengths one can go to make their parents proud
How come they are never recognized aloud?
There is a punishment to always doing what you "should"
Because the ONE time you don't want to
You risk being tainted for good.

Daddy Knows Best

Maybe I'm experiencing a quarter life crisis. Okay, not maybe.


(I am such a cliche in the worst way possible. I just want to escape to the middle of nowhere and be alone with my thoughts. Or maybe even without my thoughts. Ah, how luxurious would it be to detach myself from my mind?! It was this slew of notions that made me look into a silent mediation camp. If only I was gutsy enough to be one of those people that just goes where the wind takes them, sort of like Jack/Leonardo in Titanic.)

Anyway, the more I observe my parents, the more different from them I feel.

Sure, I inherited my father's work ethic and my mother's chocolate brown, almond shaped eyes, but it seems like that's where the similarities end. At least, that's how it has seemed for a few weeks.

A recent conversation. (Please keep in mind that my P.M.S. seems to be getting worse with age. Also, please keep in mind that talking about relationship etiquette ranks as one of the most awkward things I could do with them, right up there with watching an unexpected X Rated scene in a movie. )

Saumya: "If I plan to have a full time career, I don't think it's fair that I cook everyday for my family."

Dad: "Then you better find a husband who will help out."

Mom: "You won't find that. Even if you do, it'll somehow be put back on you. Just wait and see."

Saumya: "I'm not going to wait and see. This will be one of those things I say up front, before he would even think of popping the question. 'Hey, if we're both up at the crack of down and back after sundown, I expect you to split the domestic duties with me. And you can kiss me goodbye RIGHT NOW if you think I'm making you Indian food everyday. Take. It. Or. Leave. It. "

Dad: "Don't ever say that to a guy! If he knows this is how you think, he'll never marry you."

Saumya: "So, I'm just not supposed to say anything? That's crap. Unfair crap. "

Dad: "Say all you want. But only after marriage. He doesn't need to know this before."



Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Has Bollywood really ruined our expectations of men?

There are coffee dates, AIM conversations, and Facebook groups devoted to this wrenching idea.
But what I've realized is that Bollywood movies usually portray the makings and honeymoon period of a romance. What about the stuff that only comes with time? When things aren't new and exciting anymore? The habits, fights, revealed quirks? What expectations are there for those?

One of my favorite quotes EVER:

"Real love starts when manipulation stops. When you think more about the other person and less about their reaction to you."

Of course, this is easier said than done. I was having dinner with a close girlfriend the other night and we were discussing the nature of fights. In some relationships, after a certain point, it becomes more about who can "win" the fight and less about the issue itself. I guess in the heat of the moment, both of those can seem soluble and difficult to sift apart.

Anyway, I can only hope that the expectations I have for my future, whenever-it-happens marriage, will be well thought out and fair.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I think I prefer Lauren!

A bitch is always fun and arguably, more interesting than a wholesome girl. But I found myself turned off by Miss Kristin. I LOVED her (and Stephen) in Laguna Beach...but now her behavior just seems contrived (or maybe that's just the ENTIRE SHOW) and a bit much.

Maybe I shouldn't be judging after one episode.

And what's with Spencer and the way he put the deposit on that house? I wonder how many years they'll last.

I am much happier with The City thus far. Olivia is a trip!

Being Present

Last summer, I read A New Earth.

(Yes, Oprah does control certain parts of my life. Side note: how bad was that Abhishek/Aishwarya Rai interview?! I just don't feel that she represents herself well on interviews. Thank God she's gorgeous. Abhishek was funny, though. )

For me, really reading means taking Post It tabs and a highlighter to mark quotes that I like. Anyway, he kept emphasizing the importance of being in the present moment. I uncovered the book, which was sheathed in a layer of dust, the other day and realized that I, and most of my family and friends, are not living in the present. It's much more difficult than it seems. We make so many plans for the future (ex. future spouse, wedding location, dream house blueprint, number of kids and their names, etc.) but what about now??

So on that note, I made a quick list of things for this week that absolutely have to be done:

1. Sign up for a photography class. It's one of those things I said I've always wanted to do. Well, why not do it now???

2. Get a new haircut or at least, start wearing my hair differently. The most daring jump I've made is from a middle parting to a side parting. Right now, I'm loving the waves:

And poofy ponytail:

3. Get in the best shape of my life. The 20's are supposed to be my prime. I sit there and freak out about how my body will be after pregnancy, but why not focus on its current state?? I've been going pilates and P90x happy, but maybe a stricter regimen is in order?

Current book recommendation: The Opposite of Love by Julie Buxbaum
If you've ever hit rock bottom or not understood things that everyone else seems to get, this is the perfect book for you. She's a riveting writer and I'm surprised this one isn't a best seller. Rumors are that a movie is being made starring Anne Hathaway!!!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You Know You Love Me XOXO, Gossip Girl

Sometimes---more times than not--- I don't completely get myself.

I just finished watching the latest Gossip Girl episode and found it...pretty bad. But I know I won't stop watching it. I can't wait until next Monday night so I can distract myself with the newest episode.

I was talking to Ameya about this the other night online and got to thinking about it more afterward. Right now my top reasons for watching it are:

1. Dan and Rufus are hot

2. Cute clothes

3. It's overall just mindless so requires minimal effort to watch
4. Love to hate Chuck and Blaire (I'm not even one of the girls who finds Chuck Bass hot...actually more of a Dan or Nate girl).
5. I have a dysfunctional devotion to T.V. shows. When Grey's Anatomy started going downhill, I continued to watch every episode.

Oh well. Gotta go; The Hills and The City are starting soon!!!


P.S. Latest guilty pleasure: The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

It's About the Little Things

I absolutely love Audrey Hepburn: her chic style, classic movies, timeless grace...

Her Recipe for Beauty is one of my favorite quotes out there. One particular line says:

"For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day."

I recently played with these 4 year old twin boys for an entire evening. The more style conscious twin innocently asked me if he could braid my hair. "Of course you can," I replied. Within seconds, he grabbed a tiny, plastic hairbrush and began raking my hair with it, occasionally asking me if it was hurting me. "No, no, you're fine." I kept repeating, as I thought about how great of a boyfriend he would be someday.

The hours passed as he braided my hair and his brother intermittently asking me which move to make next on his X Box games. At the end, my hair was knotted in several places, with a halo of frizz to accompany it. But I walked around proudly, eager to show it off to the world. There was so much care and purity poured into my hairstyle, instead of the usual, daily monotony that I give it.

I frequently talk about how badly I want a career, something that is my own, something that will transcend the years of when I raise children and they go off to college. But something about that evening reminded me of how much I also want to be an integral part of my kids' upbringing, a constant in shaping who they become. It is those tiny slivers of the day that give us something to hold onto and more importantly, look back on. There isn't anything that can substitute for those moments.

I conclude this post with the entire Recipe for Beauty:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Who We Used to Be

The other day I perused this New York Times article about women's issues:

For some reason, this article took me back to a person I used to be...a person whom I would want to be more like today...a person I've lost sight of. In late middle school/early high school, I spent many of my weekend afternoons reading books, essays, and articles on the mistreatment of women in different countries. These issues always struck a deep chord inside of me. At the time, I felt helpless, insignificant even...and told myself that I would "grow up" and do something about it.

Well, here I am, "grown up", and just living my life without doing a thing about the world outside of me. I was telling Priya and Ameya (two of my friends who are already changing the world) that I truly want to do something about this, but just don't know what. And just the way that I have the liberty to fulfill my dreams, don't the millions of other girls, born in my home country, deserve the same?

Which also brings me to another point: maybe all of us owe it to ourselves to remember the person we used to be. Maybe the years brush these sticky layers of cynicism on us---whether it's through our aspirations, relationships, experiences---and it's up to us to wash them off.

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Oh my gosh, the kid in UP is soooo freaking cute.

That's all.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Fashionably Early

Kristin Davis created a new line at Belk! It is a little old for my taste, but the clothes are very classy and definitely have the Charlotte feel to them. I love the way she dresses! You know when there are certain things you aspire to have as you grow older? When it comes to fashion, Ann Taylor and the Kristin Davis line are on my list.

Speaking of celebrities with great style, Kim Kardashian definitely deserves props. YAY for girls who embrace curves!!!

Bratty Kids

Okay, maybe it's just me, but children seem to be becoming more spoiled by the day. Parents seem to be afraid of disciplining their children and encourage the breeding of these tiny prince and princesses, who only grow up to be self-centered brats.

Today, I was going to peacefully explore the semi-annual sale at Victoria's Secret. Of course, the store is filled with gorgeous trophy moms wishing to do the same.

Except they can't do the same, because of their rambunctious children, screaming for attention all over the place.

Did children become worse over the past decade, or has my patience level just dwindled? All I know is that no matter how cute you think your kid is, nobody finds it adorable when he/she yelps all over a store during an otherwise peaceful afternoon.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Can People Change?

Today, I got into a discussion with a fellow girlfriend about this topic. She was convinced that people cannot, and will not, change.

I'm not sure it is such a black and white statement. I have seen people evolve over the years, seen life splash different colors on them, seen them turn into swans from ugly ducklings....

I'll even go as far to say that somebody's "fundamental" core can transform. It all depends on the trigger for the change, rather than the change itself.

We'd all be lying if we said our relationships haven't altered us in some way or another. True, this is the inevitable way of nature, but my dad gave me wonderful advice about a year ago. "Don't ever be with someone in the hopes of anything changing." His statement was pertaining to marriage, but I think it applies for pre-marital relationships as well.

Even though men have changed for women, it is when they themselves are determined to. What I've learned is that suggesting/asking/pleading/forcing anyone to change will never work. They have to want it before anything will happen.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Neediness: Nature or Nurture?

I used to think that certain people were needy. Period. Absolutely needy.

But now I'm not so sure. Neediness may be more of a relative term. I think I have a magnet for clingy people. Or maybe I make them clingy. I'm not sure which one is worse.

Timing is also a huge factor. A lot of my girlfriends have complained of needy boyfriends in the beginning of the relationship, but as time went on, it wore off. But then there are my other girlfriends who claim themselves to be the needy one---throughout the length of the relationship.

Let's just make one thing clear: neediness, from anyone, is unappealing.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Fun Stuff

The other night at Primal, girls could receive a complimentary pair of shoes from Fergie's new shoe line.

Now, I love Fergie's music, but I am having issues with celebrities opening all these lines. Why? Because those products are rarely ever that great.

When did starting lines become the thing to do?

On a happier note, I am catching up on about five years of pleasure reading! It is truly an indulgence. I have started reading Jane Green's books. Check them out if you haven't already!

The first one I read was Jemima J, an endearing and hilarious story about an overweight girl who longs to be thin.

Next, I'll finish Second Chance, before moving on to re-read Their Eyes Were Watching God.

The Missing Pieces

It seems as though we are constantly looking for things to complete us.

We believe that if we just had that one particular piece in place, happiness is achieved and our current life puzzle is assembled. Everyone does it. After all, we're only human. It is embedded in our nature to want more and be insatiable.

For my perpetual single friends, it is the boyfriend card. Then there is that other breed of girls who feel validated when they receive attention from the opposite sex.

On the other hand, some of my taken friends depend on their significant others for completion.

I, like a lot of girls, have been guilty of finding a sense of finish in all of these respects, and another one. I have somehow convinced myself that a cute outfit or trendy handbag will ensure me a great time at the next social event.

Whether it's that boyfriend, compliment, confidence, outfit, weight, or accomplishment, everyone has entities they think are essential for their own consummation. When these things finally arrive, they serve to provide a false, transient layer of happiness. Eventually, they will pass and then we are only left with ourselves.

Maybe it would be to our advantage to let all of those things be there for the purpose they are there for and nothing more. If we find true completion and happiness inside of us, then it can never be lost.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Are Women Conditioned to Want the Asshole?

One of my favorite English professors, Dr. Elayan, claimed that most, if not all, women wanted men who were assholes. Why? Because they provided challenge. Because women want to overcome that challenge and change them.

But is it really that simple? Is it all just a puzzle that females hope to solve? Or does the asshole guy spark women in ways nothing and no one else can?

Perhaps the asshole makes things exciting, uncertain...keeps a girl on her toes. After all, which girl doesn't enjoy that type of turbulence?

But then I wonder if it simply can be explained by evolution. Maybe the traits associated with an "asshole" are the traits that were essential to the survival of ancient man. Maybe women, as a species, are not evolved enough for the "non-asshole" man.

Constructing the first novel

Everyday is a learning process as I begin to bring my novel to life. Becoming a writer has added new colors to me. I look at life differently; see every social interaction as a reflection of the human condition that can somehow be echoed through my words. Writing is helping me stay in touch with the innermost workings of humanity.

It fascinates me how we can find our callings in so many different ways. Some of us seem to just know, since the days we ran around the playground. Others explore many different routes in order to end up at the destination they are meant to be at.

Instead of being something that I thought I wanted to do, completing my novel is turning out to be something I absolutely have to do.

In other, more shallow news, I spent a portion of today afternoon watching The Hills Wedding Special. I am fascinated by how these shows can generate so much revenue and buzz. Does it appeal to an innermost part of us? Or is it just mindless enough to serve as an escape from our reality?

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Writing A Book

This whole book writing process takes much more emotional stability than I may have. I am tickled from the inside out at the thought of pursuing it, but at the same time the magnitude of it scares me and humbles me. It is such a solitary process, too. To go through cultivating something that feels like your baby. Something that people seem to not have that much faith in. Something that you have to fight for in ways you never had to fight for anything.

There is a price to pay for always doing what you are supposed to do. You pay that price the day you decide to do something outside of your usual character. People start freaking out and even worse, they start trying to figure you out instead of just letting you do it.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Abusive Relationships: Where do you draw the line?

In a recent NY Times article, a couple high school girls were asked their opinion on the Chris Brown abusing Rihanna scandal. Alarmingly, these young girls blamed Rihanna for possibly provoking Chris Brown and justified his actions.

Are the young women of today becoming desensitized to abuse? Or have they lost the ability to recognize it as unacceptable regardless of the conditions?

The other set of young girls in the article put Rihanna down for taking Chris back. What they don't realize is that an abusive relationship has power; an intense grip that is difficult to even recognize sometimes, let alone get out of. The real truth is, no woman is exempt from being a victim of abuse and then taking the guy back. Even the most beautiful, successful, intelligent woman is prone to being controlled and abused without even realizing the danger of the situation. Due to a distorted self image, many of them blame themselves for the abuse.

A lot of people in abusive relationships think that they can change their partner. Many people in these unions somehow convince themselves that they can "fix" their partner. The alarming thing is that many abusers appear charming and sweet men on the outside. It is scary how young women continue to blame the victim because they are also caught up in the facade created by the abuser.

I think it is everybody's job, to inform young women that abuse of any form is intolerable, regardless of the circumstances. It is only through constant education and reinforcement that we can alter this notion that abuse is justified in certain cases.

Monday, March 9, 2009

To thine own self be true

On a survery, one of my friends was asked which female celebrity she would choose to be.

I read in a magazine today that a female celebrity you like says a lot about who you are and who you want to be. "So, watch who you dote on, because it reflects a lot on you" is how the article ended.

But what does that really mean? I mean, I love Rachel McAdams, Reese Witherspoon, Eva Longoria, Beyonce, and of course, both Anjelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston. Aren't they all aunthentic in their own ways?

Why can't it just be that they are appreciated for their own individuality and we should be for our own as well? I think that the more we try to emulate qualities of others, the more injustice we do to ourselves.

Sure, I can love Eva Longoria's amazing red dress (who really doesn't?), but that does not mean I strive to be Eva Longoria.

Sometimes it feels as though our society thrives on reminding us that we are not enough. But we are. If we keep looking for completion and validity outside ourselves, we will be forever unhappy!

I shall end this post with a quote: "To dream of the person you wish to be is to waste the person who are."


What is it about chocolate and desserts that make the day better? I sometimes find myself having cravings for Oreo cheesecake, Lindt truffles, Girl Scout cookies, and a plethora of other entities that will surely start in my grocery cart and end in my thighs.

In a world where diets are the new black, it can be difficult to savor these simple pleasures. Every TV show, magazine, and high end fashion store frown upon those of us who decide to indulge.

I passed a restaurant the other day that I had eaten at one year ago. At this particular restaurant, the bread happened to be quite delicious. As I helped myself to another piece of it, the waitress came up to me and asked (in an unprofessionally snark tone), "Are you sure you want to eat that? It goes right to your hips."

The strange thing is that she was larger than me. It was almost as though she was looking out for me, asking me to save myself. So I simply flashed her a smile and said, "Thanks. I can tell you know from experience, but I'm fine."

The last thing this world needs is a waitress at every restaurant collecting more eating disorders than tips.

After all, what is the point of life if not to enjoy it? I think the key to success lies in moderation and balance.

So here's a toast: to balance, bread, and enjoying life! (And of course, saying "screw you" to those who object.)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Oh handbag, where art thou?

I am a walking contradiction: a girly girl who is one of the guys. One of my earliest introductions into the girl world came in the form of handbags. They are to me what shoes are for Miss Carrie Bradshaw. I can't get enough of them and it is purely illogical.

My most recent craze is named Birkin. We met on E! True Hollywood Story last semester and I have fallen head over heels in lust.

Of course, I continued to search it online and found that it involves a 2 to 5 year waiting list. Oh, wait. It also involves thousands of dollars.

Sigh...the struggles of having expensive taste.

The Ex Files

Sunday mornings tend to be a double edged sword. They have that ominous aura of pending work and the end of the weekend, yet somehow find a way to instill a sense of laziness.

This particular Sunday was especially stagnant for me. I changed my clock before I changed my clothes. And while eating a "brunch" of defrosted Eggo waffles, I began chatting with one of my girlfriends. She had just discovered that her ex-boyfriend was engaged. (Ohhh, the beauty of Facebook. It gives us access to so much information that perhaps we would be better off without. ) Of course, we mutually stalked his engagement photos while staying on the phone and passed bitchy comments about the bride-to-be's lack of style and bushy eyebrows.

Halfway through the conversation, I noticed she said the phrase, "This is just so weird" about six times. Honestly, what was really weird was her obsession with his engagement. She had broken up with him years ago and moved on with a new, serious relationship. In fact, I know she was over her ex within months of their break up. They were a match made in hell and she was noticeably more fulfilled post boyfriend. So, why the obsession?

I remembered one of my other girlfriends, who also explained feeling "uneasy" after she received an invitation to her ex-boyfriend's wedding. She had also dumped him years prior and had moved on with someone else. I used to ask her if she ever thought they could get back together and she gave a firm "no way" every single time.

Which got me to thinking, does every girl experience uncomfortable knottiness in her stomach when she hears about that first serious boyfriend getting hitched?

Maybe it's because she once thought it would be her. After all, which girl doesn't envision herself in a wedding dress and her boyfriend at the altar with her (even if it's just for a split second of fun)? Maybe it's a shock that he is moving on, in such a life altering way, before she is. Maybe that first, serious boyfriend no longer has the entire heart, but surely keeps a tiny piece of it in his control from time to time.