Friday, March 20, 2009

Abusive Relationships: Where do you draw the line?

In a recent NY Times article, a couple high school girls were asked their opinion on the Chris Brown abusing Rihanna scandal. Alarmingly, these young girls blamed Rihanna for possibly provoking Chris Brown and justified his actions.

Are the young women of today becoming desensitized to abuse? Or have they lost the ability to recognize it as unacceptable regardless of the conditions?

The other set of young girls in the article put Rihanna down for taking Chris back. What they don't realize is that an abusive relationship has power; an intense grip that is difficult to even recognize sometimes, let alone get out of. The real truth is, no woman is exempt from being a victim of abuse and then taking the guy back. Even the most beautiful, successful, intelligent woman is prone to being controlled and abused without even realizing the danger of the situation. Due to a distorted self image, many of them blame themselves for the abuse.

A lot of people in abusive relationships think that they can change their partner. Many people in these unions somehow convince themselves that they can "fix" their partner. The alarming thing is that many abusers appear charming and sweet men on the outside. It is scary how young women continue to blame the victim because they are also caught up in the facade created by the abuser.

I think it is everybody's job, to inform young women that abuse of any form is intolerable, regardless of the circumstances. It is only through constant education and reinforcement that we can alter this notion that abuse is justified in certain cases.

Monday, March 9, 2009

To thine own self be true

On a survery, one of my friends was asked which female celebrity she would choose to be.

I read in a magazine today that a female celebrity you like says a lot about who you are and who you want to be. "So, watch who you dote on, because it reflects a lot on you" is how the article ended.

But what does that really mean? I mean, I love Rachel McAdams, Reese Witherspoon, Eva Longoria, Beyonce, and of course, both Anjelina Jolie and Jennifer Anniston. Aren't they all aunthentic in their own ways?

Why can't it just be that they are appreciated for their own individuality and we should be for our own as well? I think that the more we try to emulate qualities of others, the more injustice we do to ourselves.

Sure, I can love Eva Longoria's amazing red dress (who really doesn't?), but that does not mean I strive to be Eva Longoria.

Sometimes it feels as though our society thrives on reminding us that we are not enough. But we are. If we keep looking for completion and validity outside ourselves, we will be forever unhappy!

I shall end this post with a quote: "To dream of the person you wish to be is to waste the person who are."


What is it about chocolate and desserts that make the day better? I sometimes find myself having cravings for Oreo cheesecake, Lindt truffles, Girl Scout cookies, and a plethora of other entities that will surely start in my grocery cart and end in my thighs.

In a world where diets are the new black, it can be difficult to savor these simple pleasures. Every TV show, magazine, and high end fashion store frown upon those of us who decide to indulge.

I passed a restaurant the other day that I had eaten at one year ago. At this particular restaurant, the bread happened to be quite delicious. As I helped myself to another piece of it, the waitress came up to me and asked (in an unprofessionally snark tone), "Are you sure you want to eat that? It goes right to your hips."

The strange thing is that she was larger than me. It was almost as though she was looking out for me, asking me to save myself. So I simply flashed her a smile and said, "Thanks. I can tell you know from experience, but I'm fine."

The last thing this world needs is a waitress at every restaurant collecting more eating disorders than tips.

After all, what is the point of life if not to enjoy it? I think the key to success lies in moderation and balance.

So here's a toast: to balance, bread, and enjoying life! (And of course, saying "screw you" to those who object.)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Oh handbag, where art thou?

I am a walking contradiction: a girly girl who is one of the guys. One of my earliest introductions into the girl world came in the form of handbags. They are to me what shoes are for Miss Carrie Bradshaw. I can't get enough of them and it is purely illogical.

My most recent craze is named Birkin. We met on E! True Hollywood Story last semester and I have fallen head over heels in lust.

Of course, I continued to search it online and found that it involves a 2 to 5 year waiting list. Oh, wait. It also involves thousands of dollars.

Sigh...the struggles of having expensive taste.

The Ex Files

Sunday mornings tend to be a double edged sword. They have that ominous aura of pending work and the end of the weekend, yet somehow find a way to instill a sense of laziness.

This particular Sunday was especially stagnant for me. I changed my clock before I changed my clothes. And while eating a "brunch" of defrosted Eggo waffles, I began chatting with one of my girlfriends. She had just discovered that her ex-boyfriend was engaged. (Ohhh, the beauty of Facebook. It gives us access to so much information that perhaps we would be better off without. ) Of course, we mutually stalked his engagement photos while staying on the phone and passed bitchy comments about the bride-to-be's lack of style and bushy eyebrows.

Halfway through the conversation, I noticed she said the phrase, "This is just so weird" about six times. Honestly, what was really weird was her obsession with his engagement. She had broken up with him years ago and moved on with a new, serious relationship. In fact, I know she was over her ex within months of their break up. They were a match made in hell and she was noticeably more fulfilled post boyfriend. So, why the obsession?

I remembered one of my other girlfriends, who also explained feeling "uneasy" after she received an invitation to her ex-boyfriend's wedding. She had also dumped him years prior and had moved on with someone else. I used to ask her if she ever thought they could get back together and she gave a firm "no way" every single time.

Which got me to thinking, does every girl experience uncomfortable knottiness in her stomach when she hears about that first serious boyfriend getting hitched?

Maybe it's because she once thought it would be her. After all, which girl doesn't envision herself in a wedding dress and her boyfriend at the altar with her (even if it's just for a split second of fun)? Maybe it's a shock that he is moving on, in such a life altering way, before she is. Maybe that first, serious boyfriend no longer has the entire heart, but surely keeps a tiny piece of it in his control from time to time.