Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Can People Change?

Today, I got into a discussion with a fellow girlfriend about this topic. She was convinced that people cannot, and will not, change.

I'm not sure it is such a black and white statement. I have seen people evolve over the years, seen life splash different colors on them, seen them turn into swans from ugly ducklings....

I'll even go as far to say that somebody's "fundamental" core can transform. It all depends on the trigger for the change, rather than the change itself.

We'd all be lying if we said our relationships haven't altered us in some way or another. True, this is the inevitable way of nature, but my dad gave me wonderful advice about a year ago. "Don't ever be with someone in the hopes of anything changing." His statement was pertaining to marriage, but I think it applies for pre-marital relationships as well.

Even though men have changed for women, it is when they themselves are determined to. What I've learned is that suggesting/asking/pleading/forcing anyone to change will never work. They have to want it before anything will happen.


  1. Great post. I completely agree...the desire to change/transform, and often times even the idea to change/transform, need to come from within. Forced change that 'works' is in reality just a cosmetic 'fix' that is not real.

  2. Trying to change someone is WRONG reason for marriage. what your dad says is correct. You cannot find fulfillment via marriage. You cannot marry so someone can MAKE you happy. You cannot marry, so that you will become whole or complete. You already are whole/complete/happy. Only then you will be happy in marriage. In fact any sort of pre-conceived notions or expectations are invitation to failure in future.