Monday, June 8, 2009

Neediness: Nature or Nurture?

I used to think that certain people were needy. Period. Absolutely needy.

But now I'm not so sure. Neediness may be more of a relative term. I think I have a magnet for clingy people. Or maybe I make them clingy. I'm not sure which one is worse.

Timing is also a huge factor. A lot of my girlfriends have complained of needy boyfriends in the beginning of the relationship, but as time went on, it wore off. But then there are my other girlfriends who claim themselves to be the needy one---throughout the length of the relationship.

Let's just make one thing clear: neediness, from anyone, is unappealing.

1 comment:

  1. I'd have to agree with your revelation that neediness is relative. Friends, especially close ones, must always find a balance between independence and neediness/clinginess if they are not the same. On the flip side...two very independent people can actually turn one or both to become needy after a while, while two very needy people can actually turn one or both to become very disconnected/independent after a while.

    In the case of opposites however, I don't think one person needs to change who he/she is for the other.

    The most thing is that each person needs to understand the other person...just because the "independent" person wants time alone, doesn't mean they don't want to spend time with the "needy" person or don't care about that person's feelings...and just because the "needy" person wants to spend time with the "independent" person, doesn't mean they're dependent on that person 24/7 or don't care about their independence. I think understanding this and being aware of this (and giving time for each person to go through the realization process without constantly getting annoyed) can solve a lot of problems that may come up between these types of people.

    Of course, sometimes, when one person or the other just doesn't get it, much more dramtic action is required :)