So it turns out that these past few days of absolute relaxation----reality television marathons, ice cream sandwiches, shopping----have been wonderful. People talk about running out of energy but I think we can deplete our emotions as well. Sometimes I forget that when I'm writing. Being in a constant state of anything, positive, negative, or in between, ensures its extinction.
Just today, I emptied a box of memories given to me by an ex-boyfriend, and felt the tears threatening to emerge. Prom pictures (what is it with those prom pictures?!), movie ticket stubs, letters...all of the things that showed what was once there. Reminders of a transient time. Ghost items.
Later, at the mall, I bought some colorful bowls for my new apartment. I also got some new bath products and lipstick. Each item brimmed with possibility.
There was a celebration of endings and beginnings within a few hours. In the space between those, I embraced and discarded feelings as though they were clothing, only to know that it may just take that little something to bring them back.