Loneliness has always been one of the most fascinating emotions to me. Maybe because I've rarely ever felt it. That painful tug and frightening silence. It tends to creep out when loved ones leave after a visit or a friend moves away. If it had a smell, I'd imagine it would be akin to stale coffee or neglected flowers.
People discuss wanting to visit certain places but I often feel that way about certain emotions, especially loneliness. Okay, that's probably not credible coming from who a.) is a serial monogamist and b.) becomes friends with characters in books.
But maybe it does have something to do with reading. Maybe I haven't put myself to the "real test" even though I live by myself. You know, stretches of time without any technology a.k.a. connection to others, books, or piles of work. Writing is a solitary process yet it somehow occupies all of my voids, so nothing seems to be missing. Does that even make sense?
Later next year, I'll be going to a silent meditation camp. Ten days of complete isolation and NO speaking. Crazy? Yes. Perhaps the only way of going truly inside is by eliminating any roads that lead outside.
Have you ever wanted more of a certain emotion?