A word that navigates through my mind on a daily basis. There are moments when I wonder if I want too much out of a day. Sometimes the words just don't flow. Or other times they do, but the energy isn't there to document them.
I often come back to the same wishes---more time, more energy---fully aware of how greedy that is. Sometimes I'll see the women in the clinic and hospital, wishing I had the prowess to treat them but aware that before that, I have to do a lot of blatant memorization.
Or I'll flip through a book, hoping I can write anything and everything.
But then, those brief moments of awareness wriggle through, and things are wonderful again.
For example, I remember how fortunate I am to have a man who respects me; the me I am now, the me who I hope to become. A man who inspires and indulges.
Then I think of the patients who come to the hospital. Patients who are vulnerable enough to share their struggles, understanding towards my lack of skill. They just won't let me give up.
And often, I'll open my Word document of unfinished thoughts; fragments of ideas or dead ended nothings, that serve as a reminder that we are never, ever done.
We never have to be.
All of these elements are reminders that the brightest lights emerge through bleakness.