Sunday, January 18, 2015

how people fall in love

Did you see this piece in the New York Times about how people fall in love? It describes the psychological experiment conducted by Arthur Aron and explores the questions that have been proven to build intimacy between two strangers.

When we write stories, we set up the circumstances for new relationships to form. Our characters embark on paths, get in trouble, break up or make up, and find a new sense of normal.

There are numerous factors attributed to the start and success of romantic relationships: timing, compatibility, effort, the willingness to be vulnerable, etc. As the child of an arranged marriage, I've always been fascinated by what makes long term relationships thrive. My family, friends, and I have had discussions on the blurry areas between choice and chance, working harder and letting go.

I just never thought a set of questions could pave the path to love.

Favorite gems from the article:

"It’s astounding, really, to hear what someone admires in you. I don’t know why we don’t go around thoughtfully complimenting one another all the time."

"I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected."

"Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be."

1 comment:

  1. I think the last one is closest to the truth. Love isn't a feeling - it's a commitment to a friendship and it takes work. It takes communication. But it is really worth it!