Wednesday, March 11, 2015

recent reflections

The past few months have been lined with urgency. They've demanded reflection, both from the big changes on the horizon and observations I've been able to make about the people I love.

I've seen that nothing seems to matter when I'm sleep deprived and starving; however, I've also realized that in order for me to do certain things, I have to become comfortable doing them even when I'm not in an ideal state of mind. Whether it's extra reading or extra sit-ups, if I wait for the ideal opportunity to arrive, I'll never get anywhere.

Today, I was sitting with my attending physician in the neurodiagnostics lab. We were discussing a patient who knew exactly what she needed, medically and emotionally, to feel better.

"It's important to know yourself," she said.
"It can also be dangerous," my doctor replied.
"And how's that?"
"If you know yourself in the wrong way, through a clouded lens or set of flawed perceptions, you'll behave in ways that won't benefit you."

I thought of his words for the rest of the day. We put so much emphasis on knowing what suits us, not realizing that that may be pushing us in unnecessary directions. I may believe I need days of free time in order to be my most productive and authentic self...but maybe it's my lack of time that pushes the essentials to the surface, forces prioritization, and provides a steady current of gratitude. 

1 comment:

  1. We never see ourselves clearly because we all want to be something we're not. It doesn't have to be huge, battering delusions. It can be little things. A bit more active here, a smidgen more responsible there.

    That being said, it can be outright dangerous for a physician to foster self-doubt in a patient, especially during a difficult time.
    Many doctors see my wheelchair and fat and totally discount my intelligence. They firmly believe I know nothing about my body, much less anything else. In fact, I just spent the last month paying for medical professionals' presumptions.